Joy a Power Struggle

Joy A Power Struggle

     Not long ago I shared a story of my husband bathing me in prayer to free my heart and mind from addiction and debilitating depression. It was powerful and God has done a good work in me through his prayer. Although I have been set free the temptation to give in is sometimes so alluring that it takes it all nearly out of me to not give up. Now when I refers to giving up I liken that to one mental gesture. Several years ago my husband and I both quite smoking. Because of the power of my husbands prayer over me I no longer crave it. Yet, just this morning while battling PSD attack the first thing I though of was giving up and throwing in the towel meaning I should just start smoking and forget about life. As quick as that thought entered my mind so did another. "If you do you declare with your actions that my power is not sufficient for you and you undermine my victory in your life". Wow!

  Thank God for his faithfulness to my heart. No, I was not going to give up. I believe God is getting at something much much bigger. I have been wrestling with the joy found in grief for over a year now. I have battled and trampled my heart and even beaten it down to silence its cries so that I could move forward in this life. But, its joy that I fall so short of. I am often frustrated with Paul because I am not understanding with complete clarity what he was talking about. But, thus far I understand this much.

Joy, is not a feeling it is an action of the will born out of a holy belief that what you are going through is working in you an eternal glory that cannot be put out. Joy, is not based off of circumstances, friends, community, or even family. It is a muscle thats stead fast in its resolve and conviction that everything that God permits is good for me.
Joy, is not glee, or gittiness, it is found in the deep caverns of suffering and is harvested by the soul and brings you into perfect union with Christ, our Father and his heart. That is joy

   Joy is what we give up when we cave in to temptations, and attractions of the flesh. Joy is what we slay when we entertain thoughts that are contradictory to His will. What joy can be found in giving up.

  Weather your temptation is smoking like me, or leaving a church for what might happen, or because we are offended, or going to others to seek validation of our worth, our walk with God, our righteousness. Every time we dip into temptation we bury joy.

You are my refudge and my sheild I put my hope in your word. Psalms 119:114