A Journey Worth Taking

                                 

A Journey Worth Taking

Finding Hope In Marriage

What we look to we rejoice in ~ Gloria

I have been with my husband 11 years and 8 of them married. It's true that most marriages go through the 7/11 year blues, and I'd have to say in part because we change, and hopefully in a upward trajectory. But, I believe mostly that most woman set the bar for how they are to be treated far to low. I set mine unknowingly so low that a potatoe bug could have rolled over it. I am not saying that my husband is a potatoe bug but I can tell you that my perception weather I voiced it or was unaware at the time of making my vows was based out of desperation. Not desperation to be married, but out of operating out of survival.

My check list went something like this
1. Love Jesus
2. Love my daughter
3. No pornography
4. No abuse
5. Handsome

No bad right..... Well wrong there is so much missing from this list not that it needed to be 10. long, but rather more detailed in the five. Really as long as he said acted out those things then he was golden. The problem is I came into our marriage so damaged that I didn't really know what any of the above really looked like except for #1,3, and 4 and even in those I was pretty elementary in my knowledge.

Most of you might be asking what about loving you..... Well I believed that if he loved Jesus and didn't look at porn and didn't abuse me then he must love me. Really! this is the level of dysfunction I came into our marriage with and is just now coming around to take it's pound of heart, but it really feels more like 10 pounds of heart.

Though I understood a little bit about Jesus, like he constantly raises the bar for his kids to follow, he is absolutely crazy about me, and no matter what I am going to heaven and he is seeing to it. I really didn't understand enough to apply those attributes to the necessary requirement to win my heart. The abc's of Jesus were not applied to my marriage, and 11 years  later I resemble more of a hopeless, warn out, beat down woman then in my life and once what was enough is no longer even close to what it takes to keep my heart. My poor husband.

Now en-order to have God remake our marriage there is a demanded surrender and repentance and a clear understand that though the marriage contract seems ridiculous, the promise I made to Jesus has never faded but really just grown in it's strength with Jesus and is totally valid on earth and in heaven, and this Marriage matters to Jesus.

It has taken me months just to put into some words just what is my great divide between my husband and I, and no I will not share them here but what I will share is I am the one struggling to stay in the marriage. So this is the blog for the hurting lost wife, who is feeling a loss of hope and is grieving your marriage too.

There Is Hope
Come Journey with me to stop the destruction of divorce

Here are some facts about things in life that are like bombs to your marriage and are considered major life events:

Change in community: Loss of a group that is trusted
Employment loss or lack of, unwillingness provide
Abuse/drug & Alcohol/sexual/emotional/spiritual/physical
Loss of a loved one Previous spouse, children, or child, close family member
Disability/ Mental, physical
Illness/ Cancer, and Chronic
Infidelity/Pornography, Romance Novels, emotional afire, physical afire
Loss of faith/ Change in core beliefs

If I can break this in to a percentage rate of the toll that it takes on a marriage here are the stats:
Loss of Community  = - 75%
Loss or negative employment = - 75%
Abuse = -98%
Loss of a loved one = -85%
Disability = -85%
Illness= -70%
Infidelity = -98%
Loss of Faith = -85%
And just to let you know in the confounds of my marriage we have almost experienced all of these, and so when I went to see about the ground I have for a divorce, I found that no one would blame me. Then when I went to see about the grounds that I have for a divorce under God I could not find anything giving me permission. And when you are here or at lease when I was hear I decided one of us was going to have to die. No I am not going to take any action on the thought. But, it sure does set the tone of my heart, and the level of hurt I am feeling.

Hope cannot be found with out a decision to submit your thoughts to Jesus. It's just impossible because what is seen seems to be more of a truth then the unseen. 2 Corinthians 4:18 so we fix our eyes on not what is seen but to the unseen, since what is seen is temporary and what is unseen is eternal.
I took a 24 hour holiday from life and took a personal retreat. 2 woman I love and respect deeply spend a good amount of time listening. (For our girls friends take notes) they listened to me and did not judge or trash my husband. But instead they lifted my arms up and broke demonic beliefs that I have been entertaining regards to my husband. They blessed him and me and our marriage. This was the first step I have taken to break the thought bombarding mind field I have been under.

So today I submit my thoughts again and come under the truth of Jesus Christ that what is unseen is more true then what feelings I am experiencing because of _____(you fill in the blank)_______. Forgive me Jesus for my lack of belief in you, in your redemptive power and your ability to raise this marriage from the dead and make new. Bless my husband Lord with wisdom and truth. Thank you Lord for never leaving me to the shadows of my own sin. Amen.

I encourage you to find a Marriage Coach, and please pray for our Marriage and if you want me to pray for your marriage, please leave a note.

Here's to God resurrecting our dead marriages and giving them new life.