The power of prayer

Not to long ago; my husband and I gave birth to a little boy who would move to heaven only 74 min after birth. As much as you can prepare your heart to shatter there is no logical practical solution in escaping the shock waves that rattle you to the core.
I was consumed with grief and I am still grieving, but the purpose of this blog is to share with you a secret I have found in the power of prayer.

Before the loss of our son, I had somewhere in my heart had decided that we had faced enough hardships in this life and our turn was over. As temping as these thoughts are they are simply no true. I mean after growing up in cult, and abused by my father and braking free from their control, I really felt then that was enough. But, when you loss a child it changes you and something moves into your heart in a way and grows like ivy and it chokes the life out of you. This is FEAR. Three months after my son passed away I placed myself in a job. I needed to keep busy very busy. The depression that comes when your child dies is overwhelming to put it lightly. And as long as I could keep busy then I was not able to be drowned in the assault of wave after wave of the kind of depression that causes you to plead for death.

Whenever I stop; and by stopping I mean putting my phone down turning off the computer, no book reading to keep knowledge pouring in. Just stopping and being my heart fills with fear and it feels as though an ocean of grief will wash over me and I start to have panic attacks. Tonight was just such a night. My husband and I trying desperately to fight for this hard place in our marriage decided that we would have time together and turn off and put away all distracting things. As we lay next to each-other my heart began to pound, and fear was right there to great me like an abusive companion and I cowered like a beaten down victim  and I began to cry. After my husband asses the situation and try to understand the logic of it all and to make some sort of sense he came to the conclusion that this was a God invitation of perfect proportion. And without hesitation he invited Jesus into our bed and into our thoughts. He came against the spirit of fear with the power of Jesus Christ and blessed our marriage. It was as if fear had been slapped and as quick as it had come over me it had retreated and I could breath again.

This isn't the first time Jesus has been invited into our bed and it will not be the last time. I just wanted you all to know that though I am week, and at times feel powerless over death I must cling to the truth that death has been defeated and the one who defeated it LOVES me. I just need to call out his name. Jesus

Colossians 3:15 Let the peace of God rule in your hearts