Beyond Hopeful Dreams

I was 15 my first Christmas. For my family twinkle lights and christmas trees were out of reach. Then at 15 we began to brake free from the cult that we were raised in. My father was in prison and our family had been broken beyond our own understanding, we needed some twinkle in our lives. So I believe out of survival of our hearts my mother decided that this would be the year that we'd celebrate with a Christmas tree.  I had never seen something so beautiful before. It was covered from top to bottom with twinkle lights. Today the tree would be almost considered naked as we did not have one orgimant. To me our tree was so full of beauty. It was Christmas eve and I could not sleep for this was the first magical thing that had happened in my life that seemed so breathe taking. So with my blanket I slept under our first tree. Because of this,Twinkle trees have always carried such a special meaning for me. I can hardly wait to put one up and I am alway sad to see it come down. It is as in the moment our christmas tree goes up my heart takes flight in a beautiful hope that there is freedom in beauty, in the belief that even when all the lights goes out there is this twinkle of hope. If I could have it all my way I would have a tree up all year around, but my husband does not share in its same sentiment as I. So every year we share the same discussion of my wish and his instruction and the tree comes down. 

Last year was the first time I didn't have a twinkle tree sense I was a young lady. My heart struggled with that. We moved 1500 miles from our home just a few short days after christmas, so it was unpractical to put up a tree. Just less then a week ago God has blessed us with this beautiful home. Our first night here I looked out our bedroom window and across the expansion of dark desert lay the twinkle lights of the city. It took my breath away. There was my twinkle lights all year around. Gods pure love for me and knowing my heart so well gave me such an intimate gift. It is as if I am sleeping beneath His tree every night. My heart is in  pause of his unfettered and complete romancing of my heart. It amazes me even more that he moved us to a place where there is more clear nights and mornings then I've seen before. For as I sleep under His tree of lights at night I wake to the sun coming up over the Superstition Mountains in the morning. They lay across the whole of my bedroom window, where the sun kisses the sky with hews of peach and blue and then in the evening the sun dances ribbons of rose and purple and gold as far as the eyes can see. Yet still in the noon of the day it is quail and bunnies that play in the desert between us and the city. What a romantic playful God that he would love me so much to play on my heart his music of life and romance, freedom and blessing.

I could have never seen this beauty from where my beloved live. For this beauty is from only God who has called us according to His good plans. It is in the desert where he is making me free. I feel so unworthy, or better yet a loss of words. There seems no words that can carry the depths of his love for me across the pages to the core of your being. I just know that my Lord loves us and I love the way that he loves me.