He Loves Me

 He Loves me 

I do not have a worldly father example of a daddies love so the journey of being fathered by God has been somewhat challenging. I feel as though it's safe to say that most of the world is lacking in being fathered. This has become a rare thing indeed to be fathered the way God designed it to be. Although I have had the privilege to see wonderful fathers at work with there own children and so from watching and desiring, how Jesus loves me is being revealed. 

It started first for me the deeper truer call of the father through the way I played. He'd call me to the edge of reality through mystery of my soul unveiling each fairly tale dream. The constant themes through out my play consisted of being wanted my by good Daddy my King father which made me a princess. But, of coarse there is never a good tale without an adventure. I wanted to be a heart a missionary who spoke to people around the world who started orphanages for children with out mommies and daddies and for little girls who needed good mommies and daddies like me. 

It was in the fair tales where Jesus fathered me. The dust devils made the perfect dance partners where the leaves would swirl around me at the end of our street. My hand sown dresses made perfect cones shapes. There I would twirl for my daddy and he'd twirl with me. I loved the clovers in the open fields. Each suckle taste of honey and it was there I make my crown and put is on my straggly bleach blond hair, I would catch the honey bees that danced from one clover blossom to the next. Then with out one sting Jesus would keep the honey bee still on my finger while I touched the pollen collected on its back legs. How He helped me discover the most beautiful fish ever. There in the Willamette River I saw the biggest fish I'd ever seen. It had been hooked but gotten away. The sun filtered through the biggest oak trees to shed just enough light in the rock cove where the light danced off it's silvery gills. I lay in my dress reaching down as far as I could go and lightly smoothed the back of this amazing fish and it did not move. There I talked to this fish for what seemed hours, where I imagined it telling me stories of it river journey.  Then with out a fright this beautiful fish swam away as if to say thank you and goodbye! He fathered me in the blades of tall prairie grass, where I learned how to call to the ducks that would fly out of the fields. I'd blow, then the ducks would call. I'd blow again then the ducks would call. This went on and on till the seasons would change. We dodged the giant blue barrie bushes where we picked for the orphans who had no food, and there we'd each eat one for my father one for me, one for my father one for me. There in my salt water sandals and my knee length dress where my toes sat on the edge of the slue, I'd share my bushel of blue berries with Him. Little did I know he was with me each and every time. He was there in the wind after I brushed my hair as if to rub the top of my head and brush my cheek with a gentle breeze, a kiss from the father. He was also with me on the play ground at school where I often played alone. We'd swing together long after the bell would ring. It was on the wooden castle he would call me down to come with him to the house on the other side. This was where I'd hide out and sing songs. This is where I first memorized a bible verse. The funny smelling woman with felt boards and red velvet everywhere had a mat waiting just for me. And, every time I missed the bus he was with me on my five mile walk home, where we'd kick the smallest rock the whole way home knowing that I would not be going to the river today. When I was so sad that the breeze did not land with its kisses, He was in the dandelion puff that made for all the wishes to come. On the long scary nights He was the father in the corner that I would see till I fell asleep. 

It has been in every single moment of my days that I know now, yet only today where Jesus was fathering me in the places where my daddy ruined how he looked at me. Jesus it still in every moment in every kiss in the breeze and in every playful imaginary thing.