This Child Of Mine

This Child Of Mine

I have had the privilege to be my daughters mother for little over 14 years. Seven of those years have been along side my husband Edward. Together we have learned so much about the heart of God for us through our oldest daughter among so much more. Because of her gift we have become better parents, and people. 

The relationship with my oldest daughter is just getting to a place where the level of intimacy changes from complete dependence to less dependence and more friendship. So much of the process of this transition reminds me of the journey we take with God. Yet, at every unforeseen change my heart goes through a wrenching of sorts. A few months ago Amber my oldest daughter got in contact with her biological father. He has not been in Ambers life for nearly all of it. The reasons for me keeping them apart are no longer the same as before. We are both different people then we were. For if it were my sin counted as cost who am I to be her mother. I knew in the back of my mind that this day would come, but it was as if my heart was as always moving at a slower rate then life. I set up a communications contract for the both of them to foster a slow start, a safe start and thus it has been followed to the tee. Not in contempt but in complete respect for my heart and honoring to my husband, as well as Ambers. In my heart I want this to go good for Amber. For the father wounds can take our whole lives to heal from it seems. But, I had this remnant of desire that he would live up to his old self and walk back out of her life. Thank God that is not the case. 

Although we are 1500 miles away from Him ( Jason ) I cannot help but see the gracious side of God in dealing with my untrusting heart. I think that as mothers we have our grip on our families (children )the most. It is flesh of our flesh and can there be any stronger connection to the is world outside of God and our husbands: Gods mercy displayed to me through time in letting her go. Even thought Jason and Amber have not seen each other sense Amber was four years  old, planning with Jason and his lovely wife there reunion has at times overwhelmed me with deep tearing of my heart.  I never thought that I would ever have to share my child in this capacity. Let her be a missionary, a light to the world but thus I would be her only mother. I never in a million years thought that I would ever have to face the fact that I would have to share this part of my heart with anyone else. She was just my gift and the fear of letting her go to be a gift to another mothers heart is more frighting then any other release. Yet, for all the gifts in the world that God has given to me who am I to not trust God with her, with me, with this outcome. 

I find myself spending time in prayer about a quad parenting plans that has my flesh removed. Knowing myself I would make things nearly impossible for flourishing relationships. Yet, for every single thought that is not from God his guiding Holy Spirit is there to help me write it out. The removing of me and making it all Gods plan is a constant surrender. I think of the mothers who send their children off to war and hope and pray that God will find favor on their lives and return to them. My heart cries out, who will battle for her heart while she is away, who will guide her spiritually. Who will stand against the devils schemes and teach her perseverance. I can suddenly see all the areas in my parenting that I fell so short of what is needed to get her ready for life apart from me even for just a few months at a time. So the words of God lightly dance through my heart, "Are you willing to loose your life to find your life"? Will you my glorious beloved let your children be fully mine and let me have all of my will in their life? Will you let control be mine? It is in this place that my heart breaks and surrenders to the majesty of the Lord of Lords and King of Kings. Where I am at the foot of the cross, crying out Lord my God set us free, set me free.

Isaiah 12:2-6

Surely God is my salvation I will trust and not be afraid

The Lord, the Lord is my strength and my song

He has become my salvation

With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation

In that day you will say:

Give thanks to the Lord, call on his name;

make known to the nations what he has done

and proclaim that his name is exalted

Sing to the Lord, for he is done glorious things

let this be known to all the world

Shout aloud and sing for joy, people of Zion

for great is the Holy One of Israel among you

Thank you Lord for your wonderful works in me. How great is your love for me that you would not let me suffocate in my flesh but call out in me a new song to sing and worship your wonderful name.  Amen

Utter Honesty

Utter Honesty

I haven't written a lot on my blog about my past because of it's sensitive nature. But, what God is doing in me cannot be passed up. 

I grew up the middle child of nine children. In a very broken home, where I was sexually abused from the age of 3-16. Do not worry for I will spare us all from the details; but, for this one. Which is my reason for writing this blog. 

I have struggled for along time with my thoughts and impure thinking. I have also struggled with impure dreams perverted in there nature. But, the worst is that I fear I will do what has been done to me. I used to read romance novels and this is that is what I practiced my reading on. Yet, to this day I can recall most every story that I read, but this doesn't come with out the price of remembering them being read to me as a young girl. As quick as that my past come railing through my mind and heart like a freight train. 

Weather the memory is pure or disgusting it pulls from me a physical experience and my thoughts are carried through as if they are me, my heart, my thoughts, desires. 

Yet, complete truth in this couldn't be established without raw venerability. I am no different then any other woman who struggles with impure thinking. The difference is where some of us take captive our thoughts, in this area I have not. I stuff them way deep down where I hope and pray that I do not have to tread through my past again. I have lied to my self in believing that I do not struggle with impure thoughts, that they are the remnants of my broken past. Although that is true, it is not all true. I struggle with my flesh to. In the meantime Evil has had the freedom to trample my heart and ravage my soul. Satan and his attempt to take me completely out has convinced me to some level that I have made to big deal about my freedom, other wise I wouldn't struggle with impure thoughts so much. 

Lies, lies, lies. This is not true but I have lived as though it is true for a while. 

I am comforted my David and his repentive heart in    Psalms 32:1-5

Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven

Whose sins are covered. 

Blessed is the man whose sins the Lord does not count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit.

When I kept silent, my bones wasted away

through my groaning all day long.

For day and night your hand was heavy on me;

my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer.

The I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover

up my iniquity. I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the Lord" and you forgave me the guilt of my sin

Lord, I confess to you that I have not taken the responsibility of taking my thoughts captive. That through my dishonest perspective of myself I made your glory small in my life. Forgive my shame and wash me clean from the guilt of my sin. Restore to me a mind that is after you. 

Lord, Thank you for setting me free and redeeming all that the enemy would steel kill and destroy in me that is from you. I love you Lord with all that I am and who you say that I am!

AMEN

My Pride

My Pride

A couple weeks ago while spending time in a study that our church is going through. I came to a place of disruption concerning my pride. 

Recently we completed what God had called us to do at a previous church and so followed the prompting of the Holy Spirit to leave. Yet, before leaving it was brought to my attention that a few people considered me to be more holy or righteous then they were, or at least I made them feel that way. Although I had really only herd those words from one person it was all that I needed to here. This bothered me to the core as I have never considered myself righteous or even one who could claim it. But, what bothered me so much is why they felt that way? Why was this even about me? 

About four months ago I purchased a study for my husband and I to do. We needed to be fed spiritually en-order to poor out. I was searching for some food and felt the Holy Spirit leading me to do this study. Even though we are just now doing it I cannot help but feel that I put God on hold for what he had plan, desired for me (us) in this. 

I did not see myself as prideful, but as I read these two different stories from the old testament I began to see my pride. The story is of two kings Rehoboam and Asa. 

Read Chronicles 12:1-5

Rehoboam established a strong kingdom and because of his pride his heart filled with sin, and he lead his nation away from God. God brought up an enemy to punish Rehoboam for his rebellion. Because God loved Rehoboam and his people he wanted them to understand why the nation was under attack. So God sent to him a profit to explain.

Read Chronicles 12:6-7

The King humbled himself and declared the righteousness of God and, God spared them. Yet the next king Asa was different.

Asa began his reign as king after Rehoboam and Asa did some really great things for the kingdom. He started out in complete obedience. Even though Asa was a Godly leader trouble come his way. Asa cried out to God and God spared him. God honored Asa for his faith and blessed him.                   (2 Chronicles 14:2-7) (2 Chronicles 15) 

Then several years later when trouble came again Asa responded differently. Instead of Asa turning to God like before he turned to the Syrians for help. God sent a profit to rebuke him, but Asa wouldn't listen. (2 Chronicles 16:10,12-13)

I asked myself which king am I mostly like in my day to day responses. I wanted to say Rehoboam but I would not be truthful. Far more times I have been a Asa in the sense, I have not wanted to ask for help. Time after time our family has needed help, and this was a time that was no different. I needed to ask our church for help, but I didn't want to be seen as below, needy, or lacking in blessing. The truth is that I want to give to others not in a way of recognition but as self assurance that we are doing what we should be, and there fore God has given us favor in the form of financial blessings. I want to be a righteous to be a Godly woman, but I wanted this without my depravity being exposed. 

We had two days before we had no phone, no electricity and I had already prepared out last meal, and to make matters more uncomfortable we were out of gas so going to the food bank which seemed to be that lesser of my evils was out of the question. I knew God was asking me to call our church for help and I wanted to do everything but that. Isn't it true that it is easier asking someone you may never see again for help verses someone who is going to see you several times a week? God was wanting this out of me and it was gripping me. I just got through telling my husband that God was wanting me to call our church for help and even that seemed like a sort of admission to my pride. Then the neighbor come over and shared with us about a new program that the electric company has as far as a government grant. It was as if I was through an easy way out. But, then I remembered the Syrians. As soon as our neighbor left I said I cannot got to the Syrians for help, I mustn't. I picked up the phone and called the church and as I spoke with our new pastor I could feel a deep clean smooth cut of the masters hands in my heart as if reforming a deformed part of me. My pride broke and I became humble. 

I think what was seen in me at our previous church was in-fact pride. Yet God is faithful, and even though Satan was good at distracting me from what God was wanting for me clear back in April.

Thank you Lord for you deep clean cuts, and your transforming of the mind, and restoration of my broken heart. 

Amen

The Pilgrimage

The Pilgrimage

I watched the movie for the first time the other day The Wizard of OZ! Why I have not see this movie before now is a book all in it's own. I love this movie for is cheerful humor and I laughed late into the night. But, the real reason why I love this move is that I can relate so much with the journey. Perhaps there is a fundamental truth about the journey they were on and the journey that God has us on. I set up thinking about our journey thus far in the same context in which Dorothy was on. Both my husband and I are on the same journey but experiencing entirely different things out of the same circumstances. I wondered almost joyfully am I looking for my brain, or am I trying find courage. I know that we both have heart for that is the first thing that God began to restore in us. I chuckled in the option that I am wondering around in the desert with out a brain! But then a deeper thought entered in. Perhaps it is not the brain, heart or even courage for us but the utter search in our desire. Desire was the reason why Dorothy ran away from home. 

John Eldredge shares in his book the Sacred Romance a deeper look at the truth of the pilgrimage, sojourners in the christian walk. 

I will go before you and will level the mountains; I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name. (Isa. 45:2-3)

He Goes in to say, Gods imagery of going before us lets us know that he desires us to go on a journey. This is not so frightening. Most of us are aware that the Christian life requires a pilgrimage of some sort. We know we are sojourners. What we have sometimes not given much thought to is what kind of journey are we taking. 

Not realizing it is a journey of the heart that is called for, we make a crucial mistake. We come to a place in our spiritual life where we hear God calling us. We know he is calling us to give up the less-wild lovers that have become so much a part of our identity, embrace our nakedness, and trust in his goodness.

As we stand at this intersection of God's calling, we look down two highways that appear to travel in very different directions. The first highway quickly takes a turn and disappears from our view. We cannot see clearly where it leads, but there are ominous clouds in the near distance. Standing still long enough to look down this road makes us aware of an anxiety inside, an anxiety that threatens to crystallize into unhealed pain and forgotten disappointment. We check our valise and find no up-to-date road map but only the torn and smudged parchment containing the scribbled anecdotes and travelers' warnings by a few who have traveled the way of the heart before us. They encourage us to follow them, but their rambling journals give no real answers to our queries on how to navigate the highway. 

Yes, yes! It was understood others understand. We were called to move to AZ. I did not want to come. My release of my beloved gift was one finger at a time. As gentle as God was to me in this release it still felt like a tearing of my heart to great depths. But, my husband loves them just as much, but could not wait to journey.  Though in this journey of life together is a similar journey of the heart we find that what he is searching for is something far different then I. I could have stayed forever. I had the desires of my heart, well most of it anyhow. Sure I wanted to live a more comfortable life, but other than that I had finally felt like I had a home. I was searching for my place in the bigger story and I was not finding it at home. Yet I understood what was outside of this new home and I clung to it with all that I had. God in his crazy passionate love for me would not let me settle for a mediocre walk. His whole purpose is to set us completely free. I feel like Dorothy with her desire to want to go home. Yet my husband and I are in the midst of discovering just who we are in this great battle for the desires of our hearts. I related so much with each character in the Wizard Of Oz. It was only four years ago where I started the journey of my heart. Understanding the reality of living with out a heart, and then the venerability it takes to live from the heart in which God has called me to. Yet the discovering the part of me that has wisdom and discernment. To not just hear those who have traveled before me the journey of the heart tell me what they see, but rather putting it into action while standing in the battle with my husband over our hearts and the hearts of others. Discovering that it takes more courage to let go of good for the unknown promise is a courage that I am learning that has been in me all along. While all the while I pray for the day to be with my beloved once again. 

Deep

Deep

I found myself in a situation that caught me completely off guard.  I had a couple meetings even the word meeting feels so loaded.   I went in my first meeting preparing to talk about my daughter who is 2 and her special needs. I came out of that really feeling shredded on a heart level. With barely a moment of time to regain my thoughts, I heading into my next meeting that missed the mark tremendously. All I can say is the reoccurring message between the two meetings was I am to deep for anyone to make sense of, in fact that if I were to present my deepness to the masses I would turn them away. The assaults carried on to I have way to many expectations. Nearly four hours from when the meetings first started I walked out just emptied, yet held my ground on what I felt needed holding but, only holding it by my nails. I found my self in a battle not over wether this was the place for us to be in, because despite what everyone sees from the outside  or how much we are squirming under this heaviness, we were called here and have not been called to leave. So it is our hearts that we must hold on the alter for the sake of freedom. It is in the moments of deep blows that it is so hard to press in, but the most critical time to advance. Yet in the midst of battle for the blind it is the heart that you must must treasure Prov.4:23 "Above all else guard your heart" I have a feeling that most everyone keeps an eye on there heart verses guarding it. In all truth it is the church that misses this target the most. We get caught up in the programs of perfection, that church has become a performance based belief from the top to the newest person that walks off the street. For the sake of time and energy a curriculum or some lesson previously taught is bought tweaked to through in some personality and delivered as a lesson instead of a heart experience.  The heart of everyone including the leaders are completely missed. We keep an eye on our hearts like we babysit a infant. As long as the baby is not crying to much and seems not disruptive we are golden. But the scary truth is this, our hearts are dyeing in the silence of unspoken misconceptions of the heart of God and what it's been for us sense before we were ever born. We are so used to hearing that our hearts are wicked, selfish, and  deceitful that there is precious little anyone can do or even say to make us believe that we have anything of value and worth. I think that this is a fare estimation that 99% of christians believe this is true about there heart. This is genocide of the heart in mass numbers taking place in front of the crosses that hang in our church and on the seats and pews that are polished. It is handed out in the program, and it is plastered on the World Wide Web. 

Wether you believe this or not once you became a christian God begins the restoration process on your heart. He takes the heart of stone and soften it. It is said time and time again to throw off the old and put on the new. Living with our new heart is a choice it is not nor has it ever been forced. Before the fall of man kind God made both male and female in his image. Not in the image of his enemy. It was through the fall that we became deceived. Through the belief that our hearts are not good and that God is holding out on us, Satan gets us to stop using our heart and we lock it up and throw away the key. The heart is lost, it is through the heart that you can be in relationship with God. A heart that is locked up cannot receive nor pour out love and there fore it leaves people feeling cold and detached discouraged and without direction. Church becomes a set of obligations and expectations about what is needed to make things run smoothly, a bunch of different steps to becoming a member so that we can plug you into our refined oiled program. Its more like a 12 program to serving rather than healing and setting free, binding the broken hearted most of all living from your heart and walking with God. 

The more we are living from our deep heart it is pure water we are filled with. For the more you are living from the heart you are being fed straight from the source. Jesus is in our hearts and that makes them good. I think of a cannel where water flows. It is used to transport water but when it is not receiving water it is dry. We were not called as believers to be canals we were called to be reservoir. 

Bernard  of Clairvaux said 

If then you are wise, you will show yourself rather as a reservoir than as a canal. A canal spreads water abroad as it receives it, but 

a reservoir waits until it is filled before overflowing, and thus

without loss of itself (it shares)its superabundant water.

When I read that I was thinking man, there are less than fewer that I have known that can pour out. Matt 13:52 Every teacher of the law who has been instructed about the kingdom of heaven is like the owner of a house who brings out of his store room new treasures as well as old. John Eldredge in Waking The Dead said Storeroom? What storeroom? The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart...for out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks" Luke 6:25 emphasis added]

I have herd it said and I love this you take a man from the street who's been digging in trash for his meal cook him a mighty meat microwave meal and he feels as though he is eating like a king. Take a man who has been eating the food from a gourmet chef for years and feed him microwave mighty meat and you are not going to see that as food. 

The man from the street will only be satisfied for so long. He will start to become ill, gain weight maybe even become sluggish, because of all the preservatives and chemicals that are in the food that is not pure. Then he will die a slow unsatisfied death or he will leave feeling like if this was all that I am fighting forget it. It is sad but true. I see more unsatisfied believers scoffing about instant food when what they are wanting is gourmet, and more leaders burnt out from leading from a canal that they except any water to feed the hungry. 

A leader that is leading from the heart is pouring out fresh water because they are receiving it right from the heart of God. What is poured out changes lives and they experience life to the full that God promised.

If you are not living the life that God promised then go to the deepest part of your heart and open it up for God to rebuild, and check your water supply. Leaders this is the most single act of love you can do for those that you lead.

Becoming New

Becoming New

The road to freedom bends and winds around treacherous terrain of the heart. Jagged formations of former loves, former camps of desires have taken on a new look and thus we are destined to journey through them. The path although narrow in its beginning it cluttered with those who have settled for the less true ideal God.  Unwilling to give up what they feel they must keep to live in the journey. They have become fixtures and thus the way requires so much perseverance from the head of our trail. Breaking free for the grips of scoffers and the pull from the enemy is celebration in it own victory and there is a time and season of rejoicing. Yet, like all things we must for the sake of flight walk the road of redemtion. The winds began to change and you suddenly feel naked with out your sin. The icy winds of your broken heart dance across your shoulders and you shiver into the brisk wind on your heart. You look up and see the storm rising in the distance and thoughts began to arise as you grip the grave cloths. The higher you climb there are less campers, yet the road is littered with false imitations of life. Your shoes tell the story of the grave and your appearance ragged torn and week. In the depth of your sorrow your cry out where is this rejoicing where is this life God have you forsaken me? Then with out a moments streams of light break through the clouds and shatter the damp chill that sent our hearts reeling in a spiral of searing loneliness. The warmth of God dances across your back like a warm embrace from a familiar friend. Only to catch yourself and pull away. So the love of God quakes with grief and he sends companions. Those that know the way, those that know the heart of God. 

It is one step in front of another as you began to tell your story of freedom. There is a likeness in redemption and you began to understand. You turn a corner in your path before you and to continue your shoes must come off. It is there that you must chose again. Will you continue or will you keep your shoes and turn back. You began to ask will not my feet crack and bleed? The terrain is jagged and the cliffs are sharp. In a whisper almost so quiet yet familiar not to your ears but to your soul says " Will you trust me"? For the removal defies all understanding, and the logic begs to instead relinquish my hat. It is in my heart to continue with my shoes so in my udder desperation for freedom and redemption and lay my hat down and reach to climb this peak. My feet grind down the lose gravel and my flesh tears and I fall. There my companion whispers to my heap of me. It is in the letting go that you climb. Then again the small quiet voice only familiar to my soul whispers, "will you trust me". God I exclaim who am I without my sin? In your weakness I am strong, I will never leave you nor forsake you. I removed my shoes to see the broken flesh beneath and my heart sobbed. I had no idea the condition my feet were in. My companion gathered my arm and walked with me over what seemed impassable before. There on the other side was a small pool of water. There I lay week and this companion washed my broken feet. The healing water was relief to the aching soul and I lay my head on the path. There in the arms of the angles my soul was refreshed for the journey ahead. It was then that I danced by the pool of healing water for my feet were healed and clean. 

Gathering my things I made my way up the narrow path with my companion at my side. There we rejoiced in the healing I'd received. This day God was glorified. A breeze danced by and the carried with it the smell of rain. In worry I exclaimed for this way we take is far to narrow to travel wet. Frantically I searched for shelter but none could be found. The clouds began to roll in and we were bound to get wet. Fear turned out ward and my companion took the heat. My anger raged at my circumstances and I questioned where God was. The rain began to fall and beat on my face and I coughed at the hat I had discarded just a few days before. My eyes stung and there was no choice to close them. Lets stay I begged yet my companion exclaimed this is not the place, hold my hand and let God lead the way. With my eyes closed to there pain I followed his lead. The rain lifted and my eyes opened and there my eyes had changed. What once was hard in my gaze it was softness that replaced. Looking at my feet it was clear for me to see the prints of those who have walked this path before me and I was curtain that I was in company. My eyes lifted from the ground and met with my companion and there hope filled my face. 

The path seemed softer and my feet welcomed the relief and I thanked God for the widening of the path. It was in the voice of my companion that cautioned me to stay close. For the way is narrow and less traveled. The ground was wet from the earlier rain and the sky burned hot. As I walked the mud dried on my legs and garments and it became stiff heavy. Higher and higher we climbed and sweat dripped from my brow as I struggled to carry this weight. The more I sweat the dust from the path clung to my garments and the load became heavier and heavier. Day after day I walked, then my companion let me know that there would be many long days ahead yet the journey although hard would be worth every bit. Out of breath from my burden I replied "I hope so". My souls began to become painful and I moved slower and slower frequently asking to rest along the way. The bottom half of my cloths were weighed down by what seemed more like rocks and my knees began to buckle. My companion noticed and said " You don't need to carry this, you may want to let it go". What I thought and be naked? The way is steep and it is easier if you let it all go. Well, in my complete shock that God would want me to give up my cloths I let my bags go and it freed my hands to balance. It seemed easier, but my legs could not bare it any more and with tears streaking down my face I herd his voice again saying, "Let if go for I am strong in your weakness". But, God I let my bags go. Thank you for that he replied by I am after so much more then that. What else do you want? Nothing that I have is worth it now. I am after your heart He said. My heart I said why. It is littered all over the valley. I have no heart. Oh you do I gave you a new heart and this heart although has been hurt good. In utter disbelief of I gathered my rock rags for cloth and stood to my wobbly legs and tarried on. Remember said my companion the journey is hard and the way is narrow. I must out of my own determination reach the top of this mountain for I have come to far to go back. Crawling on my knees the jagged rocks and filth cut deep and I cried in pain. Shrinking under the weight of my way I let my garments go. There I lay in the heat of the evening day and saw my heart shattered. With perfect cuts and delicate hands His healing power began to piece me together one part at a time. I could not bare to see my shame again. There He spoke to me I love you, I made you, I came for you to set you free. There is no more shame and to day you are forever changed. I lay at his feet and my tears overwhelmed me as Jesus touched my heart and filled me with life. With His mighty hand he reached down and picked me up and there he stretched out my wings! He washed me in holy water and I was clean without stain. He took his robes and wrapped them around me and said with absolute brilliance displayed! You have captured my heart my beloved. Come with me beautiful!

Here you see the journey of faith displayed

The transformation that must take place 

Through my nakedness I was clothed

In my letting go I was filled 

And in my weakness I was strengthen

From my mourning He gave me Joy

Through I was shame now I am free and clean

Thank you Jesus for loving me

Nipping At Your Heels

Nipping At Your Heels

I spoke with a beloved friend not long ago where we talked about the challenges of being called into something that does not come with the desired even expected results. Most the time when we do something especially if we are called to, we often think that the outcome will be a Wow! moment. The truth is although we equate success with how well things turn out for the positive this is simply not true. In asking ourselves if we have done all that we were asked to do, with out hesitation we were able to answer yes we were. This then allows us to move on and let God take it from there unless he otherwise decides that we need to stay. It has seemed that our hearts once more sought permission to pursue life. We find ourselves pushing off on a heart level and venturing on to seek restoration. 

I was said to me in a conversation that there are Eagles and then there are chickens. There once was a man who raised chickens and he had a young eagle. When the storms would come the eagle would try to fly out of the pin an into the storm, while the chickens would huddle together. Chickens are easy to spot where the eagle feels alone they are the envy of all other fowl. Yet the life that an eagle may live will seem lonely apart and full of storms, but it is the eagle that is free from the cage it is the eagle that flies high with the Holy Spirit it is also the eagle that flies above the storms that weigh you down in the chicken coop. The terrible thing is there are far more eagles living like chicken then there are chickens. There is an enemy farmer that quickly snips your wings and introduces you to chickens. You never know who you are until one day someone calls you an eagle. It is then that there is a greater calling that begins to take place in your life. 

It seems that the enemy is constantly nipping at your hills telling you that you will never be an eagle. That you will never be enough and then when you are enough he tells you that you're a great deal to much. So many of us resign to a lesser life with God. John 10:10 The thief comes to steal kill and destroy, but I have come that you may have life and life to the full. All that which is talked about in the christian faith is less then life. It is duty, purpose and obligation that is being taught to you. My God did not create me to desire to fly and give me the wings, just for me to live in a cage. Yet we are so convinced that we though we look like eagles and if God really loved us we would be free from our cage. All the while he is there waiting for you to call for him with all heart. Free us from this spiritual cage free us from a life of lesser means then that which you called us to live. There is a quote that I love dearly unknown author: There came a time when to remain in the bud was more painful then to risk that it took to blossom. 

I firmly believe that the fierceness of God will not stand for us to live eternity with the enemy nipping at our hills. There will be a day when all eagles will fly. I believe that day is today to stand up declare with your mouth to all those who believe that you are wicked, and say that You ARE a child of God and that you are Free. Isaiah 52:2 Loose yourself from the chains around your neck, O captive daughter of Zion, shake yourself from the dust arise and sit enthroned.  

    It is time to risk that you take to flight and fly beyond the storm to the highest peak. There is a freedom with God that was laced in the depth of your inner soul. You will not find what you are looking for until you are free to love God with your whole heart. For God looks at the heart of man to see if he knows him. It is like wise that we know the father so that he also knows us.