A New Walk

A New Walk

There is a time and a season for everything under heaven

The first two years of my walk with God was spent in what could be described as a Mash Hospital for the heart. When fully surrendering to the Lord I was acutely aware of my desperate need of healing. God had put me and my family smack dab in the middle of a healthy community that is after the heart of God. In as few words as possible I want to attempt describe a few of the steps I have taken. 

I started addressing  the truth from lies. For so long I'd been subject to lies till, the lies sounded more like truth. To break the bondage of lies it took an entire church pouring into me what was truth at every moment of my being there. When I read the bible I struggled with being able to glean real richness. Not because the richness was not there , but because it was meet and I did not know how to eat that yet. Some of it I could, but the depth I was able to receive was far to little for my satisfaction. The more I was fed truth I began to notice how many lies that were being thrown at me. From this place of being filled I was beginning to take my thoughts captive. But this took me being shown. I did not know or even understand how to do this. I began to reject lies and make them obedient to Christ. The more I began to see and believe the heart of God for me the more I was able to glean riches from the pages of scripture. For a while this satisfied my thirst. I read, studied, spent time seeking the voice of God, seeking his plan, seeking his will and, seeking his leadership in my life. Through this came transformation. I became confident in reading scripture and understanding it, I became confident in my identity and more than anything else I new I could hear from God and nothing that Satan would try to say would convince me. I love to hear from God and I longed for our time and solitude.

I found myself wanting more. I was being poured into still by my family (church) on nearly a daily bases, hearing God everyday and hearing his truth for me, and about me. I was filling to over flowing and I was wanting to pour out. I found myself in a position of being called up but not called out. What I mean by that is encouraged that I had so much to offer and that I was ready but there was no platform for me to offer it yet. My heart began to sink my spirit started to become heavy. I was spending time with God he talked to me about him not just being in church that en-fact we are mostly called to be outside the walls of church. I do not know when and where I developed a belief that to pour out needed to take place with in the church? I equated it to my absolute love and the safety this church brought to my heart. There began a shift in my thinking. I had opened a food bank through our church and occasionally I would have left over food and I would take it to a woman's transitional housing. I was asked by the house supervisor is I wanted to teach the woman how to set budgets and mentor them in steps of financial freedom? I expected the position and after sharing my testimony of the redemptive power of God through financial hardship, I began teaching the woman how to become free. In the middle of this I was invited to be apart of something special with a friend of mine. There was a woman in prison who was pregnant and I was asked to make a blanket for her baby. My heart leaped from my chest I was beginning to pour out and it was such sweet life and I started to come alive. I really had no idea what I was doing but was confident that if I walked through what ever doors that the Lord opened up I would have a chance to share how much Jesus has loved me and how much he loves whom ever is on the other side. 

I had began going to this woman's study through my church and I felt the nudging the spirit for me to share with the woman what I was doing for the woman in prison. To tell you the truth I did not want to share it. It filled me with so much life that I could not bare to hear that I should not be doing that, or that I would need to seek permission. The ways that I was able to pour out in my church were little life pockets and I was feeling stifled, suffocated. The beliefs that were being built in my heart were like a poison and it was eating me alive. I wanted to withdrawal when it is me to engage. I was becoming guarded and felt that I was not strong enough to keep that from happening. But, the promptings of the Holy Spirit were stronger than my fear and so with a pounding heart I shared with the ladies what I was doing. God was faithful to my heart and used this as a platform to make even a bigger blessing for this young lady and myself. 

I know that I am leaving out a lot of experiences that have propelled me in this direction, but I wanted you to see that with  our walk as it matures our faith goes through this defining process. 

My husband and I moved to Arizona from Washington because we herd that God wanted us to move and help at a church in here. I fearfully embraced as I felt my heart was being ripped into two. The transition in the calling to love leadership and help establish community has been more taxing on my belief systems then what we first realized. This new way of walking could not have been made with out the training of the past experiences of building faith. This journey is taking every bit of strength, knowledge, patients, and perseverance that we have. I never knew that amount of strength and courage that I would draw from past experiences with the Lord. Perhaps, this is the first time I have picked up the sward in the battle field and joined the fight? The distraction of circumstances are like a strobe light. It's demanding, and creates and allusion in the midst of battle. Our circumstances range from financial destitution, loss of our beloved community, betrayal, and gossip, miscarriage and vandalism, loneliness and bulling. The world and most believers would look at this as a mover back experience, even I have ventured my thoughts down this path. Yet every time I do I am convicted. The glory that has been taken from the battle grounds is magnificent in proportion. My marriage is better than I ever dreamed, our oldest daughter is blossoming into a beautiful woman of God. God has met our every need and than some. My husband and I are discovering not with just words but in life experiences who we really are.

There are days where this walk has me on my face and other days I am rejoicing in what God had made. The movement in growth feels in the moment dark and opposite of what make sense. Understanding that God has so much more complex thinking then we do for our three reasons not to he has 7 reasons to do. What seems impossible, with God all things are possible. There is a shift in our thinking that is taking place. A new kind of freedom that is breaking through the clouds. No longer will I be called deserted or desolate. But my land my heart will be called married.

Walking