A Shift In Our Destiny
We had been living in the desert for nearly five months. Most of my things that I cherished were still packed away and the things that were unpacked were because my husband had unpacked them. It has been as if the letting go of the "how" my life was going to have a glorious pan out was being release from my tight fist one finger grip at a time. My amazing husband seeing that this vicious circle of grieving was not longer health graciously invited me into to bravery. We spent a couple of day unpacking and decorating. Now I know thats not along time but we really do not have much things. For most were sold before moving, but the things that we did keep had sentimental value. The slow thawing process for spring to move in can reveal things about how you carried your self in the midst of winter. Out of pure determination to move toward what God wanted me to do I had to release one more tight finger in my fist. My husband and I put up our bed and hung our wedding pictures on the walls and without realizing what was happening I began to cry for the release of my heart. It was as if I could breath a little easier. I was committing to staying on a heart level. It was as if Jesus was so gently gathering the peaces of my broken heart born out of an expectation of security through a family that was finally given. I cried not for my brokenness but that I had been refusing to see a new beauty that God had for me.
We were have been struggling financially for a long time, but never as bad as we have sense we moved to the desert. We new that we were not going to have the money for rent as time went on. Every bit that we did have has been carefully and sparingly dulled out to put just a bit of food on the table and ration our electricity, while paying bits and peaces to keep water gas and the phones on. We were falling further and further behind. Mean while my daughter and I were talking about overcoming our fears. No better time then to bring up fear. I trust God, but I had little to no trust past the point of our needs and understanding. I began considering that we may not be able to make the rent. Never have we ever not payed our rent and just the thought of that caused my gut to wrench and twist in my heart. Just the very thought of being homeless caused my to dive into the depths of despair. Truly I was and had built a barracks out of fear. I had my grip so tight on control and what being in control looked like that it gave God little rum to move. I am not sure about you but, my God will not be contained! I tried! The thought came into my mind what will I do if God does not provide rent?__________. Then I asked well then what am I going to do?__________. After a series of question it came to well I am going to still serve him and give him everything I got. I had more peace but I was not complete by it. There is nothing natural or responsible about not paying for your rent. On the days leading closer and closer to the end of the month and the beginning I had to choose daily even momently to lay down my fear. I began to ask for prayer. Prayer is an awesome tool one that we must use daily and momently, but my prayers were circumstantial. God help my husband find a job that meets the needs of our family, God help us understand, God do you see what is going on, God please help my husband receive a bonus or a substantial raise.
A wonderful couple that both my husband and I had the pleasure of meeting at a silent auction for Living Water Retreat Center just a month earlier, Richard and Joan Webb became instant kindred spirits. Joan who is a speaker and writer and life coach in AZ asked me a question after I hand asked for her to pray. If money and education, circumstances were not an issue what would your husband want to do? I realized that moment that I ask a big God for small crumbs. That the God of all heaven and earth who made us who loves every bit and peace of us wants more then just crumbs. So I hit my knees and began to pray with my husband for the 11,000.00 for his education and the provision in between and after. I had forgotten all about the fact that in just a few days we were going to have to come up with over 1,000.00 and we did not have it nor a way to get it. Our prayers went from begging for the crumbs of a king to purposeful and power pack prayer. The following morning Kathe Wunningberge came by while the morning air still was light and rested easily in your lungs. Together while I was still in my PJ we fellow-shipped and drank coffee. Her words were like shade from the heat of the burning sun. She offered us a gift of some relief and it did. It kept the lights on for one more week and put dippers on my toddlers bottom. She prayed over me with words of comfort and ministered to my heart in remembering that we are not suffering this alone. I was beginning to be filled with peace and I wrapped my arms around it and held on for dear life. It was in this peace I could breath it was in this peace that my soul was quiet enough to hear God speak. There began to be a shift in our destiny.
Before our destiny shifts something of a chiastic structure happens. Chiastic structure is an inverted parallelism. Where a phrase shifts and it cause it to mean something different. Like "Ask not what your county can do for you, ask what you can do for your country". In the same way Isaiah 53:2-5 where Jesus was described to not have and beauty or majesty to attract him to us. Nothing that we would desire him. Yet this being God in flesh King of King and Lord of Lords. God who is beautiful God who is full of righteousness made himself sin so that he could conquer sin in order we could be made righteous.
The shift began to build when in both my husband and I had complete peace in a situation that we normally would be striving about. Where we normally would be franticly buzzing about trying to keep from imploding yet we were praising and thanking God. A dear friend of mine Desiree gave a some insight of when the process of silver is becoming pure. The silver get heated up and impurities come to the surface. The master gently removes the impurities, while watching all the while waiting for his perfect reflection. This story brought a reason to our suffering. We began to invite God to turn up the heat if he must. There in nothing that we want to stand in the way of our relationship. Yet covered in complete peace because knowing that my Beloved God is the one watching and waiting to see his reflection in me means that He is with us the entire way. This peace is the pivot point. This reversal is not always where we expect it to be. In-fact most reversals happen in the middle of the night where the rest of the world is quiet and our soul begins to reveal the tapestry of the previous day. And, God of all heaven ascends on such a moment of these.
We were shifting from the 1st of June to the 2nd and the rent was not payed. Paisley our daughter would not go to sleep. She was unusually restless. She finally gave up the fight about 1 am the second of June. Ever so carefully I began to tiptoe my way to bed. I came out of my room to check on her one more time when there was a pound on the door. My heart jumped into my through. Who in the world was coming to our house at 1:30 in the morning. I quickly woke up my husband. We went to the front door where I made a noise and an officer identified him self. We found out that our tires had been slashed by our neighbor. Edward half awake and me still freaked out by the pounding on our door made our way down the path to our SUV. All four tires were completely flat. While looking at the tires to see if the air was not just let our we noticed that my Husbands company vehicle had two flat tires in the back. We were discussing what to do next and I called the complex security so that an official report could be made. We began the long process of learning how it happened and gathering up our insurance information. A neighbor payed a 15 year old girl a beer if she would slash our tires. An 11 year old little girl was there with them partying and she became afraid and told her father. The father called 911. We figured out that they had done over a 1,000.00 dollars in damage between the two vehicles. On top of that Edward was going to have to miss precious work. We came inside because there was nothing we could do now and about 3am the officer came in to let us know where we stand and the process that we should expect. The officer bless him was more angry with the situation than we were. I found myself trying to pick up his frustration but I could not. We were bothered but not to the point we normally would be. We found ourselves having understanding for the people that victimized us. We were saying things like "this is so sad", that 15 year old girl is getting the wrong impression of what life was intended and my neighbor is so broken that the only things she know is how to hurt others.
We had compassion because we new that God was watching and we new that he would go to bad for us. That we would be alright but there trouble was just beginning, not that God was going after them but that he was allowing them to have things the way they wanted and that path always leads toward destruction.
The following day a tow truck came and moved the work truck and found out that all four tires were slashed on his work truck, for a total of eight tires. While the tow truck was on its way I realized that I was out of drinking water. I called a near by friend Julie and she offered to come and help us get water. Upon her return with the water she informed me that she would love to purchase our tires. I was taken back. Her generosity filled my heart. It amazed me that she wanted to give so efforetlessly. We did not except this gift at the start because we wanted to know if our insurance would cover any of it before we took any gifts for this reason. As the day went on we discovered that both our insurance's did not cover vandalism. Yet all the while we had complete peace. We went and talked with the apartment complex to see if they could work with us on rent considering our circumstances. We were not successful in our attempts. I called Julie and said if the offer still stood we could use the help. Her response was it would be an honor! I received a phone call from another dear friend wanting to know how we were doing in regards to making rent and rent was the last thing on my mind. I was tired from just receiving a couple hours of sleep. I shared with her about this amazing peace that I had and how we were confident that God had all of this planned. She encouraged me further and We felt loved and supported. Early that evening after I was able to nap We were blessed by yet another kindred spirit who gave according to what God had called while completely unaware of our circumstances. Her sweet venerability was touching to my heart.
As time went on I had forgotten to feed my family or even what to make for dinner. I was completely lost in the tides of love we were receiving. I received a call for my friend Diana and her husband Kelly Bowers. They may or may not be stopping by but wanted to let me know just in case. I was delighted and thought O someone to pray for us to encourage us again. Little did I know when they showed up they would be carrying bags and bags of groceries and dinner ready to just put into our oven. I was in tears, God had thought of everything.
With the money given from we were just a few hundred short of making our rent. The quote that we received for our tires was a bit less than what we payed for the tires on the truck less than a year ago. We were more than pleased with how God came through for us. Later this same evening Frank a dear friend of our and the husband of Desiree stopped by and surprised us. I thought that he wanted to scope out the damage and offer manly support for my husband. This couple has been such a blessing to our family. It has been difficult to find that family inviting presents sense we moved here and they offered it to us so generously. There tenderness and venerability provided us a softer place to feel. They welcomed us into there family as one of them and my husband and I were deeply grateful. I ran to see if my beloved Desiree had come, but she was needed at home. Frank spoke to us with such tenderness. It was as if a Lion stood before me yet carried for a moment his heart so that I could see. He held out an offering that he and his wife took up from a few from our church. Here we were just a part of a body for just a little while and they were offering us a hand of hope. It humbled us to know that we had not build any trust and this family new family of ours was offering us there hand. It was enough and all that was needed.
There is no other feeling worse than the one of hiding out. Our neighbor, she spends her days and nights in hiding. Guilty and wrenching in fear. It has been sad to know that the things she will face is so much more damaging then what we faced with 8 slashed tires. Delighted to the core that we were able to get in our truck and drive to church was a victory dance in its self. For I was bound and determined to get there even if we had to walk and I melted on the way. Walking in the ACC from our truck was like stomping on the neck of evil. We socked in every bit of it. During worship I felt like the Lord was reminding me that our battle is not against flesh and blood but against the rulers of this dark world. After service a darling woman Tamara whom I am just beginning to know handed me some money. I told her that we had all that was needed for us to pay rent, and get new tires as well as give back to the church. She said keep it. So I told her about how I felt like I was to remind my neighbor that even though God saw what she had done he still loved her. We used some of that money to reminder her. Doing this loving her in the place where then enemy wants to shred her was like dining at a feast with the Lord in the presents of my enemy whom will never ever partake in it glorious riches, aromas and taste. That this beast of lies and fear no longer had me in chains. My God was bigger and mighty is his name.
Our circumstances are still the same as in my husbands job, the shift is that we are bold in our walk and our confidence in Gods way is deepened. Peace that surpasses all understanding is what protects our souls from for this intense heat. We are more determined to walk with God no matter what the cost then ever before, because we love Him and He loves us...
The switch in destiny was when a routine sequence of events turned into a story worth telling...
~From my journal~
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